Editor's Note: Thanks to Robert Middleton, of Action Plan Marketing, for this article. It almost pains me to run it, because I want you to realize how deadly any of these "sins" are to your business if you commit them! Remember NOT to do these things!
They say marketing has a bad name. But I maintain that NOT marketing has a much worse name. If you're a self-employed professional home inventory service business owner interested in attracting new clients, are you still committing any of the 10 deadly sins listed below?
10. Make sure nobody can really understand what business you're in. Use buzz words and industry jargon. Never share the results of what you do or mention how you've helped your clients. Make people really work to figure out how you can help them.
9. Talk only about features and processes in your marketing materials. (Talk only about the "how-tos" of how you conduct the inventory -- instead of the immense satisfaction and relief they will feel when it's completed.) Don't include any benefits or testimonials of successful clients you've worked with. Throw in lots of impressive industry jargon and don't worry about professional design or paper. Using 20# copy paper is fine.
8. Put up a quick-and-dirty website with most of the pages still under construction. Be sure to use "Page Under Construction" instead of simply putting in a simple paragraph about the item in question that you can go back and fill in later. Make sure to design the website yourself and make it look as amateurish as possible. Of course, obscure navigation, huge graphics files and pages that lead nowhere will keep 'em coming back.
7. Forget about spell check and proofreading. People don't care about typos or if you spell their name wrong. Whip out every e-mail as fast as you possibly can. And never put a signature line on your e-mail, let alone a subject line that means anything.
6. Don't ever network. Make sure nobody ever gets to meet you in person and learn who you are and what you can do for them. Insurance agents, Realtors … who needs 'em! And if you do happen to show up at a networking event, make sure to sit in a corner with a beer and lots of hors d'oeuvres, away from pesky prospective clients or referral sources.
5. Don't write any articles or do any talks demonstrating to the world that you're an expert and really know your stuff. Make sure to keep all of that a big secret. Also never share one bit of your expertise with anyone unless they pay you first.
4. Don't ask questions when meeting with a new prospective client. Just give them a long, detailed presentation on all the technical aspects of your work. If they don't understand you, they probably wouldn't be a good client anyway. Make you you do 99% of the talking, and don't ask them any questions about why they are interested in a professional home inventory.
3. Do substandard work as long as you think you can get away with it. Strive for mediocrity and make sure your clients pay for it through the nose. They obviously didn't do their inventory themselves (although they sure could have), so anything is better than nothing, right?
2. Don't return phone calls -- ever. Just wait for them to call you back. If they really need your assistance, they'll keep trying until they catch you in. And when they do reach you, make sure to sound impatient and too busy to help them.
1. Disappear. Once you've collected the information for the inventory, wait two or three weeks to deliver the report. Then, once you've delivered the report, make sure they never hear from you again. Heck, if they really need you, they'll call. But don't make it too easy by ever giving them your business card or putting your name in the Yellow Pages or giving them a sticker that documents that their home has been professionally inventoried (with your business name and number right on it.). You don't want to look like you're begging. Have some dignity, for goodness sake!
-- This article is by Robert Middleton of Action Plan Marketing. Robert's web site is a comprehensive resource on marketing for Independent Professionals. For free marketing resources and valuable marketing tools, visit http://www.actionplan.com"
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